I’ve had this drafted for a while, but didn’t have the heart to go back and edit it and to be honest, I don’t know that I will fully flush this out before sending because who doesn’t love a little unfiltered letter?!
Happy New Year, friends!!
I’d like to kick off the new year with a bit of honesty…and if I’m being honest, I forgot about Substack. Just completely forgot that I’d started sending you letters this way.
A friend of mine invited me and my sister over for a craft day (Caitlyn - if you’re reading, THANK YOU!) and was asking about how my alcohol-free journey has been going, referencing an old newsletter I’d sent out which reminded me that I completely forgot about this little world.
To share my answer to her question with you, it’s been interesting. I’m now a little over 8 months alcohol-free and most days have been totally fine, it feels easy and like I am on the right path, and then some days, it feels like actual torture.
My friends and family have been INCREDIBLY supportive of this journey which was my biggest fear when first starting. Are there times that I miss getting rounds of shots and taking rounds of shots? Yes. I would be lying to you if I didn’t say I missed drinking.
At the end of the day, drinking for me was fun. I loved how it made me feel — confident, bold, sexy, funny (most of which were not actually true, but rather just how I felt). On the flip side, I also hated how it made me feel — shaky, panicked, anxiety-ridden, hungover, full of regret.
I often think about what my life would be like if I was someone who could actually only drink one or two drinks when they decided to drink alcohol. Sounds pretty nice, but unfortunately, sounds nothing like me.
Deciding to take a break from alcohol has opened my eyes to other ways in which I’ve been living my life to conform with what society has told me to do or to be like and if you take nothing away from this letter except this, I hope in this new year, you spend some time finding out what you’ve been wanting to do but have been too afraid of what others would think - GO DO THAT. I can’t wait to hear all about it!
In the meantime, here’s a short list of things I was told would happen when I stopped drinking alcohol and whether or not they are working for me.
Less anxiety — In some ways, yes. I used to have TERRIBLE hangover anxiety. I am so grateful that I don’t have this anymore. That said, I do have pretty substantial social anxiety (not always, but sometimes) and that is something that I’ve realized alcohol did a great job at numbing. So yes, less alcohol-induced anxiety, but more social anxiety.
Texting or calling people that I shouldn’t be calling — 100% yes. The amount of times I would wake up afraid to look at my phone or quite frankly, with someone that I wasn’t expecting to be with was substantial and it has been incredibly rewarding to know exactly where I am, who I’m with (or not with), and all the messages that I sent the night before
Extra time for fitness and hobbies — this hasn’t happened yet for me. That could be a combination of me trying to just stay on this path for the time being. It could be that I still enjoy going out to bars with friends and family. I just haven’t experienced this yet, but I am hopeful this will come in the future!
Clearer skin and more energy — Your girl is tired and breaking out. This hasn’t happened yet for me either, but rumor has it, it will come. I’m holding out for this!!
With the TikTok ban being in effect, I’ll be sharing more notes on this platform with little thoughts throughout the day like I’d started over there. That’s looked like living room karaoke, cuddle sessions with my pup, stories about my ADHD brain, my alcohol-free journey, books I’m reading, and more.
I’m HOPING to be able to do some more longer form writing here this year, sharing a bit more about what’s going on in my life and maybe, JUST MAYBE, throwing in a few proper journal entries that I’m willing to share publicly.
And finally, I hope your heart is well. <3
Get outside, drink some water. All my love. xx